If you are reading this blog post, you are probably a hipster.
What was that you say? I’m not a hipster.
Don’t even bother denying it, because that will confirm even further what we already knew. You are a hipster.
Two hipsters walk into a bar………………………….and one of them was you.
How many hipsters does it take to screw on a light bulb? Just you.
Knock knock, who’s there? Hipster. Hipster who? Hipster YOU. YOU are a hipster.
Let’s start of with some foolproof methods for determining your hipster status.
1. You drink PBR. I drink the ole Pabst because it is cheap, only $2 at bars in my area, meaning I can get arrested for drunk driving for under $10. I drink PBR because I am poor. If you are poor, you are at risk for becoming a hipster.
2. You wear glasses. Prescription or non-prescription it doesn’t really matter. Having impaired vision or desiring it indicates that you are a hipster. Blind people are automatically assumed to be hipsters, as they reject sight feeling it is too mainstream.
3. You have multiple piercings. Deciding to strategically place a hole in your skin suggests that you reject society’s norms and must be a hipster. (Pending: Making decisions may also suggest you are a hipster.)
4. You are a human. Cats, dogs, and other feral animals cannot be classified as hipsters because they sustain on doing mainstream things such as eating and drinking. If you are human, you run the risk of being a hipster.
Didn’t meet the above criteria? Call 1-800-HIPSTER and for the ultra low price of $29.95, you too, can become a hipster. But wait, there’s more! If you call in the next five minutes, we will include a free beanie!
The first time I got called a hipster, I was a little confused. I was like, what the fuck is a hipster? I mostly thought it was a style of jeans. There must be some sort of bad connotation with the word, but I’m not really sure what it is. If you know, enlighten me! Moral of the story: Don’t let anyone define you as a hipster without your consent?
My skeeze of the day goes to a guy I met in Kansas City, Trevor, with the most hipster haircut I’ve ever seen. I can’t find the picture at the moment but, believe you me, it was a very hipster haircut!