Why Can’t I Be Tall?


I love that I always see the best looking guys at the gas station because there is almost nothing I can do about it under those circumstances.  “I notice you too are fueling you vehicle with regular unleaded gasoline.”  “Soooo would you want to share this diet coke I’m buying…over dinner….before a movie?”  “No?  Cool, me neither.”  Don’t worry I’ve already had every conversation with myself that I could possibly ever have with you.  I’m always talking to my friends like, don’t you know I already had this conversation for us?  You said you didn’t want go to this thing, I said I didn’t care and really wanted you to come, you said you had to do this other thing, I said you can do that other thing later and I’ll even help you, you said I don’t know, I said I think you do know…so can we just skip to the part where you are coming with me?

I hate hate hate when you are signing up for an account on a website and you start typing your new password when this pure EVIL message pops up saying Too Short.  Are you fucking kidding me right now?  I’m not even finished typing yet!  Get off my back!  My anger could also be stemming from my over-sensitivity to the word short.  Even the world wide web knows I’m vertically challenged.

Short Girl Problems:

1.Sometimes when I walk into a bar, coffee shop, or other public place, I immediately sense it.  Somewhere in that public place, he has spotted me.  The short guy in the room has spotted me.  I can just feel him thinking, Oooooooohhhhhh yyeeeaaaahhhh, target acquired.  I am shorter than him and unbelievably cute, meaning that I have already met 2 out of his 2 criteria for sleeping with me.  I just hope he can feel ME thinking, Access denied.

(FYI: I don’t discriminate based on height when dating.)

2.Everyone in the world has this innately desperate need to inform me of my height.  They are always like, “Awwww you’re so short.”  Then I’m like, “Awwww I fucking hate everything about you, you fucking tall fucking freak.”  Excuse my language.  Or don’t.

3.Sometimes I’m not tall enough to ride the roller coaster….of life.

4.Sometimes, although I fight the urge desperately, I have to recognize that my height often means my head is going to meet the level of some basketball player, Lebron wannabe crotch.  (For those of you who read my previous posts…that has to be on the rape spectrum somewhere.)

 5. Not only does my face look like I am twelve….and a half years old, but my height confirms that I may not be of legal drinking age so you should probably stare at my driver’s license for twenty minutes diverting your focus from me…back to the id…then to me…back to the id…then to me…well you get the IDea (get the pun?)  But go ahead, continue looking at me like I’m smuggling drugs across the border…

(FYI: I am 22 years old, look at my bachelor’s degree bitches.)

Don’t get me wrong, I love being short…like more than life itself, but these things get pretty damn irritating!  What does a girl have to do to be 5’6…and blonde…and blue-eyed… (sorry I’m trying to breed the fittest, whitest population here).  Just kidding, I’m not Hitler (most days), but really…Why can’t I be tall?  (tall people, collectively, are my skeezes of the day)

Hey, before you go, I have an idea!!!  Share this post!  Better yet, leave a comment you fuckers!


23 thoughts on “Why Can’t I Be Tall?

  1. I never thought being short would be so hard! I’m 5″8 and I have days where I cannot stand being tall! Like when I’m in a club and looking over everyone’s head. Or when I see a really hot guy across the room, then realise as he walks over that I could rest my chin on his head. Wearing heels on a date is a no go, just in case I am taller, then the whole holding hands situation is awkward resulting in me having to walk like an idiot. I feel your pain…but just on the other side of the situation!


    1. Man I feel you! The grass is always greener…and fuller….and prettier on the other side lol. I feel like there is definitely like a medium height of 5’4 or 5’6 that would be ideal haha but I guess height can be a conversation starter at the very least? You could never use medium height as an ice breaker you know? Like, oh man, it’s hard being the average height of the U.S. population…


  2. ” Sometimes I’m not tall enough to ride the roller coaster….of life.”
    I just laughed out loud…my coworkers were confused, so I felt awkward. But worth it. That just…made my day.

    Trust me, being tall sucks. Short men find it fun to try and sleep with you, because you’re like Mt Everest and they want to conquer you. I’m not a fan. I also hate when super tall men date short girls. Like, 8+ inches in height difference. That bugs me. Love knows no numbers (age, weight, height, bank account–that one it might) but I don’t enjoy looking down at a guy.


    1. Haha I’m glad someone laughs at my lame jokes! I say ridiculous things like this all the time. I did not know about the whole short men wanting to climb mountains thing….that’s interesting. I try to not discriminate in the numbers area of dating but it’s tough! I have to admit…I think I just may want an average medium height guy haha.


  3. Being 6’1″, I can tell you there are definitely drawbacks to always being the first one to get rained on, smell noxious gas, find the undersized doorway in the house of mirrors, discover that driving in a sports car is like riding in a shopping cart, and have everyone assume you are good at basketball. That being said, I appreciate you offering your perspective from the opposite end of the spectrum — which made me laugh out loud 😉


    1. Thank you so much for reading! I definitely think there are drawbacks at both ends of the spectrum…it’s a lose/lose situation haha. You’re the person I ask to reach things for me at the grocery store!


  4. Love this post and your sense of humor. 🙂 I’m one of those annoying people of average height and never thought about dating or getting hit on from a different perspective height-wise. Yeesh–creepy guys back off!


    1. Thank-you so much for reading! Props for your average height! I try to keep the skeezy guys away, but one can only do so much! I have a feeling creepy guys hit on girls of all heights haha!


  5. HAHAHAHAHA I love it!
    The closer you get to 40 the more you’ll appreciate the whole looking 12 and a half thing! I’m 38 and 5’2″ (if I kinda stand on my toes a little bit) and my rather tall neighbor chick told me recently that she hated me because I looked like a teenager. I think she was drunk because I do not look like a teenager, not at all! But, it was nice to hear that the 5’10”, thin, pretty woman hated ME LOL.


    1. Haha! Ya I bet you look younger than you realize! We are definitely all our own worst critic. I don’t mind looking too young aside from when people are condescending which can really get to me! Thanks for reading!


  6. Watch out for those basketball players. Lol. Websites are never satisfied with your password. You would be hard pressed to fill up the password bar meter on the side, or receive all stars, when creating a password. Everything you do is never enough to receive the “perfect password” accommodation. They can kick rocks with sandals. The worst is the captcha, especially when booking concert tickets online. Whenever you think you have typed the correct password, an error message appears…refreshing everything. Lol.


  7. Hey there! I just wanted to stop by and say thanks for following my blog. I hope I write interesting articles for you! I love your article about being short by the way. I’m also short, but it’s never bothered me. 🙂 I also love your sense of humor! 🙂


    1. Thank you so much! I mostly joke about being short because I’ve pretty much accepted that it’s not changing except for nights I wear 6 inch heels. I look forward to reading your blog!


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