The Struggle Is Real

Dating, Lifestyle, People

Although I’d love to tell you about my night last night, something is standing in my way…and that something just happens to be…aaalll-cccoooo-hhhooolll.  No no, not Andy Warhol, alcohol.  I’d escaped the apartment wherein lies my ex-boyfriend and unfinished master’s program applications, then headed to the nearest bar to get white girl wasted all by myself.  Hang on just one second…almost done…almost…  Sorry, I had to holster my double edged sword.  With a night as blacked out as a 5% window tint, I decided to throw some old blog excerpts your way.

Oh hairbrush, where for art thou hairbrush?  How will I ever extend these long dark locks for my prince to climb if they are tangly and knotted?  Perhaps it was finally time to admit that no prince was coming to my rescue, or maybe in fact, too many had come to my rescue.  It was not so long ago that one prince surprised me with breakfast at work, another had showered me with gifts from a vacation, and several other sweethearts had provided my drunken nights with an open tab.  Perhaps all these boys had come into my yard expecting milkshakes and I had given them shaved ice.  Time to build a snow cone stand because I can’t see myself being warmed up any day soon. For today only, $1 snow cones flavored with I Don’t Care and just the slightest touch of Not Listening To Anything You Say.

It’s that time of year folks.  It is the time of year for my semi-annual father/daughter dinner, with what I prefer to call my bio-dad.  Having dinner with my dad is always sort of a train wreck…if that train were full of orphan cancer patients and followed by an explosion destroying the United States’ supply of Starbucks coffee, a terrorist attack, and the death of Jennifer Aniston.  We discuss basketball and motown music (our only shared interests) and end the night with a hug that makes me so utterly uncomfortable I want to kill a puppy.  I cherish puppies.  Every man’s dream…a girl with father issues.  Although not succumbing to the pressures of stripping and prostitution, I still keep around enough baggage to fill up my never boyfriend’s one bedroom apartment.  The struggle is real.

Turns out, it’s time to put my baggage in a storage unit because I’ve got shit to do.  The master’s programs I will be applying for require essays, recommendation letters, and baller status test scores.  Good thing I’m so underwhelmingly prepared.  I have not written an essay since high school, my science professors can only tell you that my lab reports were kickass, and my GRE scores…well…average.  You know what isn’t average?  Me.  I’ve got mad experience as a bridesmaid, a chart topping knowledge of netflix, and the sickest nail polish collection this town’s ever seen.  In other words, I pretty much need my recommendation letters to fly off the page and head South in the winter.  Don’t you worry…I’ll give em the ole runaround.

With all this work ahead there will be no time for skeezes…whoah!  What was I thinking?  I always have time for a good skeeze.  My skeeze of the day goes to goes to a guy at the pub named Brandon, who kept fixing my bra while I was trying to play pool!  Luckily he was so drunk, there was no way he could figure out how to unhook it.  Better get yourself a CUP of something else because I am so NOT interested.

 

 

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25 thoughts on “The Struggle Is Real

  1. The olé daddy issues. Did you create an entry touching on your relationship with him yet?

    When is the entrance exam and of course deadline for the entrance essays? I wish you the very best on the entrance process. Until then…

    “My snow cones bring no boys to the yard.”

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    1. Haha that part was an excerpt from an old post. My father issues have somewhat died down in the past year and it has been a breath of fresh air. Awesome stepmom came to the rescue! Deadlines for essays span from September-January. I just struggle staying within the confined topics. I understand that it is part of being a writer, but it’s a big challenge for me to write quirky and humorously (about the only way my writing catches attention) about my experience in volunteer work haha. I’ve definitely got my work cut out for me. It will be good for me to challenge myself with topics other than sex, dating, and relationships!

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      1. Wonderful. As much as I understand the pains between family, I always enjoy members coming back and reconciling their differences. Awesome work work your stepmom.

        As for the essays, since they are right around the corner, I am curious to know where you volunteered. I think you will be able to knock it out. I say that because you know the approach they are looking for. By switching the writing style to fit them, your audience, you will innately shift the method. I am sure you will knock it out. Your writing style now reflects a blogging target market audience l, and it works. Now, the goal is to shift to this other market; the college acceptance department.

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        1. Wow thank-you for this comment, it really rocked my world. Truth be told, I have not really done any volunteering which is sort of the problem with the topic constraints. It wants me to discuss my life in terms of volunteer work, jobs, and travel (none of which are very “happening” in my life currently). It’s going to be a lot of me pulling something from nothing!

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          1. Lol. Yeah, you have a tough battle. However, all is not lost. Elaborate on any activity whatsoever, that you may not define as volunteer work because you did not label it as such. However, by definition, others would call it that. For instance, working with your brother’s little league team. Not to say you have a brother of course, but it is an example. To you, you were just being an older sis. By definition, it is volunteering.

            Talk about travels you have made as a child, and how they impacted your life now. Talk about three lessons you learned working, that you believe you never would’ve experienced by not working. For instance, “working at a young age provided an early venture into being responsible for others. All along, everything I did was to benefit me, but this role made it so, my input would positively or negatively impact the company and customers.” Trust me, you have a lot to work with.

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            1. I’m so glad you said all that! It made me feel a lot better about the circumstances and inspired to get started on these essays! I guess it is all a matter of perspective! Seriously thank you for reading and providing this really sound advice!

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      1. I actually have a good relationship with my dad. But my mommy issues more than make up for it. I’d like to meet a person that doesn’t have any parent issues. I don’t think such a person exists.

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  2. Go after your writing dream and Mr. Right will find you. Don’t let anything, or anyone get in the way. Believe me, enough trouble will find you without you having to look for it.

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  3. AHHHH. OK. The excerpts are great. But why only excerpts?! Now instead of reading a cohesive post, I’m reading snippets and teasers and I want to read more and I’m getting no fulfillment! It’s like bad oral sex 😦

    Give me verbal orgasm, woman! Write an entire post, or reblog an entire old post 🙂 And if you don’t want to stick with sex, dating, and relationships, use the Daily Prompts and stray as far out the borders as you want, complete with your brand of quirk and humor.

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  4. ughhh master’s program applications!! you reminded me… how dare you remind me! 😦
    I’m procrastinating on applications and I am not afraid to say it!
    You might take this as a compliment, or a diss… but I came to your page today, to see who the “skeeze of the day” was lol

    -Mykul Mitch 🙂

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    1. Thank-you so much! Honesty is my personal favorite policy. It feels good to release things you have been holding in. All of my friends read my blog so sadly they know every embarrassing detail about my life haha…but I sort of love it! I can’t wait to listen to this music!

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