After a long text conversation with the fire whisperer, it became clear that he was not taking my crush seriously at all. It was so casual, he would not even deign to feel awkward around me or in text message. In an effort to regain the upper hand, I decided to torchure him with said crush (get it….fire whisperer…torchure?) Lame pun intended. My ultimate goal here was to make him feel embarrassed about my crush.
The natural location for this embarrassment to take place was at the ole watering hole. As we left, the fire whisperer asked my roommate Connor Catman if he wanted to join us. Connor said he would not come unless I agreed to eat this cookie he baked. I was like, “No. Definitely not. I don’t actually want you to come with us.” This gave me the perfect one on one session to make the fire whisperer feel as uncomfortable as I did.
I started off by asking the bartender to slip something in his drink so I could take advantage of him, made several ball in hand jokes, and even dropped my pool stick a couple times so I could pick it up slowly in front of him. After solidly beating me in a couple games of pool, he said, “You’re making this easy.” I was like, “You know what else is easy?” He complied asking me what was easy. I said, “US.” He played along which was probably a bad move because I decided to up my game saying things like, “Look how comfortable I am with this stick.” or “Man, we work so well together…almost like a team. What’s it called when a boy and girl work really well together like a team?” No reply. It’s nearly impossible to run out of flirting material when you are surrounded by a table, sticks, and balls. He was like, “I don’t know why you think you have to try so hard to get me to sleep with you.” I was like… Whoah are your arms sore from turning that table around on me?!
The truth is, it’s not surprising that out of all my exes, the fire whisperer was the one I developed feelings for. He was the best boyfriend I had. He would feed me sandwiches and beer in the shower (in the shower I tell you!!!), order me pizza from out of state when I drunkenly called him (from out of state!), and would wipe off my makeup right after I put it on (RIGHT AFTER!). The take home message here is that whether we are living 9 hours apart, shooting a sexual innuendo-filled game of pool, dating, or just friends, we are always going to have fun together.
So, I got him drunk then took him home (where he is staying for the record), and well…how bout those VMA’s? I did not get to watch the awards show because my hands were tied, but I’m not sure how I feel about the VMA’s. I’m also not sure how the VMA’s feel about me. It’s like WHAT ARE YOU THINKING VMA’s. I have a history with the VMA’s you know? So, there’s that. But the VMA’s are what they are and…I am who I am. Are we still talking about the VMA’s? No really, how were they?