To This Very Day I Begin My Mornings In Denial

College, Humor, Lifestyle, People, Relationships

While reading through other blogs, I found myself leaving all of these extremely insightful comments.

For instance…

“Perhaps if I were more forthcoming about my opinions I would see better results in customer service, relationships and really all across the board.”

Well, how forthcoming of you to come forth with such wise words. Perhaps? When have you ever said perhaps? Perhaps I will use forthcoming in a sentence for the first time ever.

“It is nice when there can be comfortable moments of silence on a date.”

Really? And you would know that because? Answer me this Savannah. When have you ever been silent on a date…or silent for that matter? Silence speaks louder than words but I am guessing you didn’t know that.

“Clout is hard to come by these days.”

Is it really? Do you have clout? Have you known anyone with this so-called clout? What else is “hard to come by” these days since you seem to be the expert? Perhaps you should be more forthcoming.

“Slut”

And so quickly you revert back to old habits.

I have come to the conclusion that people must think I am stupid. In most instances they would be correct.

I have no idea what pension is and pretty much tune out when anyone tries to explain it to me. I understand it is related to finances, but I have so little money I just assume it will never apply to me.

Does it have any relation to pensive? If so, I could likely involve it in poetry of some sort…accompanied by percussion. Pensive percussion. Alliteration…I know what that is!

I am just dying to understand what an interface is and how it works. I assume it is not an outer-face, sad face, or a sequel to Audrey Hepburn’s Happy Face so for god’s sake someone tell me what it is?! Can it be considered pensive?

Cue percussion.

I suck at chemistry, but only in the scientific sense. Put me in a lab and I am 100% guaranteed to drop a beaker, set something on fire and ask multiple times for someone to hand me the flask…which almost always ends up being really disappointing.

At least 50% of the time when you mention someone that is generally well known in society, I will not know who you are even talking about. “So, Savannah what did you think about that policy *insert mystery person* instigated?” you ask me on any given day of the week. “Oh you know…mostly just pensive.”

Point being, I am a little stupid.

But hey, I am also a little smart.

In fact, I was one of the runner-ups for giving the commencement speech at my high school. I wrote this great speech where I compared the 5 stages of grief to waking up to your alarm clock for school in the morning. To this very day I begin my mornings in denial.

I am pretty sure the administrators threw my speech out because of its so blatant disdain for the slaughterhouse they call high school. The acceptance stage definitely came after graduation!

You see, I graduated in the top 3% of my class along with 29 other people who were really really unpopular. My standardized test scores were baller and I killed my classmates ever so softly with kindness.

For the counter-argument, again that I am stupid, I have also never listened to a teacher my entire educational career which might somewhat explain my perpetual misunderstanding of pension and my now career-less future. I do not have attention deficit disorder, I have been firmly diagnosed by a non-licensed physician with I don’t care disorder.

That is right.

I do not care about pension, interfaces, chemistry or that stupid commencement speech that I should have given!

But…because there is always a but in these kinds of situations, I do care about writing.

I am, dare I say it, serious about writing. This is really something because I am virtually serious about nothing, making times like genocide, suicide, really all the -cides extremely inappropriate.

When I love something so much I start rhyming things with it: write = sight, kite, might, light, fight, tight, contrite…it all makes me very pensive.

Then I squeeze it really tight…like a puppy. Tight rhymes with write!

I have been waiting my whole life, to not only drop F-bombs, but all kinds of alphabet related bombs you cannot even imagine. Just so you know, when I say F-bomb, I meant forthcoming…fuck.

Anyhow, I just wanted you all to know that I am not entirely as stupid as I sound. Not entirely.

So leave a comment you stupid motherfuckers because I care about writing, sighting, fighting, smiting, lighting…

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15 thoughts on “To This Very Day I Begin My Mornings In Denial

  1. I was the lucky one that was called a slut on my blog! I am the same way about the world and not really knowing what the crap is going on with. No really sure I care about most of it, because why does it help me again? I know morons that are really smart about this stuff, but in the end it doesn’t really matter. Then I know cool people like me and you who know stuff about other things like writing and video games that, while they don’t matter either are infinitely more interesting. People that know stuff about pensive and E-coli can suck it!

    Like

  2. Brilliant minds have no time for such mundane things as, oh, _______(insert name here), or anything that is not relative to our passions. Nothing wrong with that (well, unless you forget to pay a gas bill in the enlightened state, and end up taking cold showers for 3 days)

    Liked by 1 person

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