I Am Nothing If Not Practical

Humor, Lifestyle

I left my purse at the bar.

I fell and scraped my hand in an alley.

I was at some point in an alley.

I slept on my friend’s couch.

There are several missed calls on my phone.

There are several outgoing calls on my phone.

Where to begin…Well I typically end up falling because I almost always drunkenly decide at some point it is a good idea to start running.

Hey Savannah, what is a quicker way to get from point A to point B? Perhaps you should quicken your already very unstable step.

I feel like cops probably do not give me a public intox on account of it being so damn funny to watch.

I am now waiting for the bar to open so I can hopefully go retrieve my purse. I imagine someone turned it in realizing how broke I am. Everyone keeps asking me how much money I have in it and I’m like…None I just really like that purse.

Lord knows I could use a new driver’s license picture.

The only reason I took off my purse was because it was hanging over the toilet while I was trying to puke. Both puking and taking off the purse seemed like really sensible ideas at the time. I am nothing if not practical.

It is kind of a mystery to me why I left the bar at all considering all of my friends were still there. I mean…all of my roommate Connor’s friends were still there. I mean…my roommate Connor was still there ya know?

(If you are new to my blog and want to know more about Connor See Post: That’s My Roommate)

Once I realized I lost my purse, I think it struck me how drunk I was and I decided to cut my losses. Drunken me has tunnel vision to go home which is a really good idea when I have my keys.

Sober me thought I did not need my keys because I had my trusty roommate who has a very similar set of keys and who unfortunately was not with me when I for some unknown reason decided to leave the bar.

It was nice waking up and knowing that my roommate was worried about me but I always dismiss it like….No need to be worried, I just walked to my friend’s place…in an alley…where I fell…oh and have you seen my purse?

Not a big cause for concern.

I texted my friend to thank him for helping me rinse off my scraped hand and getting me a blanket and he said I seemed fine.

I sincerely think there is a deep part of me that is thinking Savannah you are drunk. You are drunk right now. Act cool okay? Then I do. It just comes that naturally to me.

Unfortunately no one ever realizes I am drunk unless I tell them. They always inform me how normal I seemed and I am like great…Well the next time I seem normal take me to the hospital because I have alcohol poisoning okay?!

It is always sort of a reverse situation when I am sober. I had one girl say she was surprised I remembered her because of how drunk I was when we met. It was also surprising for me considering I was not drinking at all that night.

 

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9 thoughts on “I Am Nothing If Not Practical

  1. Did you get it back?

    If it makes you feel better, I left a new “right hand ring” I had made (by melting my diamond engagement ring, diamond wedding band, and ex’s wedding band, in a bathroom because I had taken it off to put lotion on my hands. Yes, I was also intoxicated. I was beyond frantic the next day but thank god a colleague had seen it and handed it in.

    I felt like a total moron. And that was after I had put the ring on a looser finger and almost lost it to an automatic flush toilet.

    That’s funny about people not realizing when you are drunk…I know people like that and it’s very disconcerting!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gotta love those drunken decisions that seem to be make perfect sense and then when you’re sober you cannot fathom what drunk you was thinking. Glad to hear you got your purse back!

    Like

  3. “I had one girl say she was surprised I remembered her because of how drunk I was when we met. It was also surprising for me considering I was not drinking at all that night.”

    How did she conclude you were drunk? LoL

    Liked by 1 person

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