Useless disclaimer: This post is racist.
If you are a guy friend of mine, there almost inevitably becomes an occurrence in which someone will assume I am your girlfriend.
We are eating dinner together.
They charge my meal to your card.
We are out and about together.
We run into your friend who insists you introduce him to your girlfriend.
We get pulled over by the cops together and they search the car.
asking if we live together.
Anyhow, everyone looks at me and labels me ya know?
I’m always like…ew gross…as if I’m completely repulsed by the idea.
They just look at me and think. Girlfriend material.
I try to explain to them…No I’m much more stretchy than that. Lots more give in the fabric.
But nevertheless, they continue to throw f-ending acronyms my way.
They look at me – the skin, the hair – girlfriend. All the way. She screams girlfriend.
Just once I’d like someone to look at me and think…
Gay best friend
Uncle tom’s cabin
I am honored, however, to be considered the girlfriend of these fine young male friends I so often accompany to date-like settings.
I wonder what it might be like for them when people assume I am there girlfriend.
You know what happens when people assume…
Assumptions are made.
I wonder what it’s like for them when they have a girlfriend, are looking for a girlfriend or when they wish I was their girlfriend.
Hell no I’m not his girlfriend! Wait, why are you laughing? Is it such a crazy, out-of-this-world reaction for them to think I could be your girlfriend?! I could totally be your girlfriend!
Everyone keeps sending subtle messages my way hinting about my love life.
Any new boys Savannah?
I haven’t heard you mention finding anyone attractive in a long time.
Ooh aah who was that guy with you?
Some messages are more subtle than others.
I have a slew of excuses I have been excusing every time they say something.
No who needs boys?!
Statistics say hott guys have gone down 60% this year.
That was my brother.
I know this shirt’s cool! And even cooler because it can only be worn by an independent woman!
Some responses are more blatantly bitter than others.
The other day I was walking through campus to the parking lot feelin’ all girl power/me power when I saw this Asian couple (them being Asian has no relevance to the story I’m just racist…or trying to paint you an extremely accurate picture of the scenario) trying to set the self-timer on their camera. At first, I walked right on by.
Carefree go me!
Then I was like dude I feel good! I walked back and offered to take the picture for them.
There they were. Holding each other. On campus. In front of Christmas lights. Together.
I hate this.
Throughout all of this, I tried to remind myself that they will probably end up deported, working for 1 cent an hour carrying only the one child they were allowed to birth.
Sorry I just thought of karate out of the blue. (Out of the yellow)
Jiu jitsu. They are all the same really. No, not the martial arts, the people. They all look the same.
Us Caucasians, however…so many defining features. Blond hair, brown hair, red hair; blue eyes, green eyes, hazel eyes; pale skin, tan skin, freckled skin…so many more options than them.
You can tell us apart.
Except for when I am with one of my guy friends. Then, instead of considering us apart, we’re like two parts…meshed into one part…