Always the audience, never the musician.

Humor, People

Yesterday I took one look at the stove and I just knew.

I knew it needed to be cleaned.

Three minutes into cleaning the stove using something called Easy Off, I realized, I could no longer move my right hand. And by right hand, I mean the one that looks like a foam glove you would wave at a sporting event.

I started flooding it with water while singing Toxic by Britney Spears. I’m addicted to you. Don’t ya know that you’re toxic?


Anyhow, my hand still looks pretty rough and I told every single person in the bar last night why, starting with the words “So today…”

Okay so enough with my nonsense. I better catch you up on this thing I refer to as “My Life.”

1. My roommate Connor is MIA. He left to go see his girlfriend and never came back. This might be a really appropriate time to talk about my dad. Pass. Anyhow, I am going to refrain from posting “Have You Seen My Leaves Beard Hair All Over the Bathroom Roomie” flyers for a few more weeks because I knew how susceptible Connor is to sex slavery. Ooh just thought of another Britney Spears song. Fun.

2. My blonde friend Leah is now staying with us (me) for four days of every week. She bought groceries, cleaned the apartment and cooked me dinner all in one day, confirming what I already knew. She is better at life than me. But I marked housewife off my list and ate that dinner she slaved over that fucking god forsaken, hand swelling, good for nothing stove cooking. Ya know I actually get the whole slavery thing now. Neat.

3. I have been hangin’ out with this pack of musicians. That’s right. I called them a pack. I’m a lone wolf no more. Just runnin’ with a pack of musicians. Because yes. I’m the kind of person that “runs” with others. Anyhow it’s great. Except for when it’s awful.They just look at an object and suddenly it’s an instrument and suddenly it’s a concert and suddenly it’s a really awesome concert because suddenly they’re just really fucking awesome at everything and suddenly I hate them so suddenly I throw myself onto the couch dramatically so that I can pout. It’s all very sudden.

Always the audience, never the musician.

Anyhow I actually am in love with my wolf pack. All three of em. How many wolves do you need to call it a pack? 20, like cigarettes?

Anyhow there’s “C” who plays the drums and is awesome at it. Anytime I put my iphone in and start playing some cool indie band I love, he has to casually announce “Oh I played with them one time back in Vietnam.” Except for he says it without the “back in Vietnam” part. He was misquoted…by me. Did I mention I want to do journalism?

Okay okay, then there is Andy who I have mentioned previously. He’s like my bestie but let’s not make a big thing of it. He plays this thing called a dobro guitar, which you basically lay on your lap because you’re lazy. I like to call it a “Go Bro!”. Anyways, he’s good at that. So that’s annoying.

Last but certainly not least, there’s “N”. They actually named Guitar Hero after him. He is the guitar hero. Literally. I tell everyone he’s the best guitar player in the world, which is really unfair since I have not met every guitar player in the world, and is not at all unfair because I know absolutely nothing about guitar playing.

And also, you know how couples “finish each other’s sentences?” That did not really need to be in quotes did it? “Who fucking knows” N, as I call him, finishes my jokes it’s crazy. I’m halfway through my second knock and he’s all like, “Who’s there?”


N’s there.

Alright so I’m not going to tell you fuckers to leave a comment, because last time everyone did so begrudgingly. But you should get that chip, which is laying on your shoulder by the way, and just put it somewhere else.

Like in a comment box.

Accompanied by a really friendly comment.

8 thoughts on “Always the audience, never the musician.

  1. I look forward to your posts, they make me laugh. And as a musician with more talented musician friends, I relate to this quite a bit. I want you to know, however, that I leave this comment under protest. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally want to have a pack. Except only when I want them around, because mostly I hate people and just want to stay on the couch and play video games when people aren’t bothering me. But if I ever want to leave the house, I want a pack to run with.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Haha. I sympathized, laughed, recognized some similar scenes in my life… Thanks! Pack is technically 3 or more, but you just try asking any single dog with single owner and you’ll find out 2 is enough to call them pack. “…For the strength of the pack is the wolf; and the strength of the wolf is the pack…” – Rudyard Kipling . It’s really all about the bond, the relationship, that goes beyond the usual me-first to us-first. Very cool to have found that in any form. How fun to find it with a shared music interest! I have some drummer friends (not prof musicians by any stretch) that just love music and will tap out on or play with anything handy – as I’m sure you know can make all sorts of instrumental sounds depending on the medium. Makes for some great times and some hilarious times. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Then I do have a pack! Nice quote! Their definitely is a special bond between us I would say — my pack of musicians and I ! I should stop pouting considering I’ve always just wanted to be “with the band” not necessarily in it! I love listening to them play! It’s always super fun and impressive! We actually played around with a couple songs the other night (one about my trip to the dentist and another about a mysterious fellow named “Habanero”)! It was hilarious! Musicians are awesome! Thanks for reading and commenting! I hope you have some good times with your pack of drummers!

      Liked by 1 person

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