Times are changin’

Humor

Okay, so forget Austin.

I’m over it.

Austin was fun, but multiply part one by two and three and I’m sure you can do the math.

Right now, I want to be at the bar playing pool. Why?

There’s sticks, there’s balls and they don’t belong to a skeezy guy.

What am I doing instead?

Pouring myself a glass of ice cold soda as I wait for the Google results of “How to cut a pineapple.” Yeah. True story.

While I’d love to tell you 4 non blondes style what exactly is going on, I can’t.

A) I don’t need to be drinking caffeine this late at night.

B) Does everyone already just arrive on this planet with the innate knowledge of how to cut a pineapple?

Pineapples are all spiky like they’re trying to warn you about something fruity, which is now interchangeable with fishy, which someone thought was interchangeable with suspicious. So yeah. Pineapples are all spiky like they’re trying to warn you about something suspicious like…

Hey. Open up this pineapple and you might find yourself drinking soda in the middle of the night instead of playing pool. How do you like them apples? You obviously don’t, because here you are with a fucking pine version of something that poisoned the purest of Disney princesses. Ick.

So here’s the thing. Times are changin’. I’ve heard people say it in the general “the world is gonna’ end” sort of way, but now I really believe it.

Times are changin’.

I’m losing my dream apartment. I’m losing my fave roommate Catman Connor. I’m losing weight. Most importantly, I’m losing this negative attitude.

So yeah, I’ll admit, I burnt my candle at both ends.

It’s completely gone now.

So in the future, when someone asks me to hold a candle to some swimsuit- model-resembling ex-girlfriend I can be all like…Sorry don’t have one.

But I’ll tell you what I do have. A pineapple. A motherfucking pineapple.

I’m not sure what the next few months have in store for me. It could be good. It could be bad. It could be…fruitful? Who freaking knows?

All I know right now is that…

I’m pretty nervous for my internship. I may need a storage unit for my shoes alone. I’m going to miss a lot of my friends next year. And…

Times are changin’.

But more on all this later, I’ve got soda to drink, pineapple to cut and time to change.

How To Cut a Pineapple Like a Badass

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9 thoughts on “Times are changin’

    1. Haha the town! Boys are so last year. It’s all about group hangs now 😉 . I got the internship, now just nervous about actually doing it eek! But thanks for the support. You always have my back bitter Ben!

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      1. I’ve heard good things about Austin. I’m actually a huge Spurs fan, so I have been to SA 3 times, but never to Austin. I would love to go there someday, so I can see what all the hype is about. You’ll do great in the internship, I know It!

        Liked by 1 person

          1. I do have interests! So I might like it then. So exciting! Sorry you are losing your awesome roommate and cool town. Good luck in your next endeavor and don’t forget to blog every once in a while cause you are awesome at it.

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  1. Hey! Feel like I haven’t read one of your posts in forever. I need to catch up. Change is exciting but also really friggen scary. Good luck with the internship! When does it officially start?

    And cutting pineapples is horrible. That’s why I take the lazy route and I buy the pre-cut packaged pineapple.

    Liked by 1 person

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