This is not a ceremony for mourning, but really just a celebration of life.

Dating, Humor, Lifestyle

Remember when I used to write all those lame posts about how awful my weekend or week was? Good. You don’t have to.

This weekend sucked.

My laptop died. I got stood up (and not as in the opposite of being sat down). I had to help carry a couch (the one I gave away for free). AND…I settled on an apartment, one that’s roughly the size of my left shoe. Also my right one, but that’s beside the point. Right next to the point. Like a nightstand to a bed. Right freaking beside it.

It’s Monday at work and I hand the last book in my pile to my boss and say, “Be careful. This one’s fragile.”

It may as well have been my heart.

After a weekend of frustration, my heart certainly felt as fragile as a paperback from the 1920’s.

Where to start…

On my night stand sits this paper.

It’s white. 8 1/2 X 11. For all other purposes, your generic piece of paper.

But it’s not. It’s my apartment lease renewal form.

I was supposed to turn it in last week but have been procrastinating on checking the box that says “Not renewing.”

All I want to do is renew ya know? Its like for my whole life I had one freaking purpose and you want to know what it was? To renew. Anything that’s old, send it my way, I want to make it new!  But no.

I have to give up my apartment.

I don’t want to. That apartment is me.

It gives people lots of space. The foundation is a little unstable. It’s downtown. That’s me! I give people space! My foundation is a little unstable! I’m a downtown freaking girl!

That apartment is me.

I know people say when you love something you have to let it go. And I have. Soccer. My ex-boyfriend. That gray trench coat I couldn’t afford. I let them go like a freaking balloon at balloon release ceremony. Because apparently that’s a thing.

But if there’s one thing that I don’t want to let go of…it’s that apartment.

Do you think that’s why it’s called an apart-ment…because you are meant to move apart from it?

I just keep listening to “The Apartment Song” by Tom Petty repeatedly.

Anyhow, I found this new place to live. It’s another apartment. Two bedrooms. One coworker.

She’s nice ya know? Really. She’s nice.

She wears cardigans. She’s got really excellent grammar skills. The kind of girl who wears chapstick. She’s really nice.

But here’s the thing.

I’m not nice.

I wear tank tops. And when I do wear cardigans, I’m passive aggressive about it the entire day. Grammar?! Not even entirely sure what that means. And let’s face it, the way that I can tell which beer is mine out of the ten sitting on the table, is the bright red lipstick smeared across the top.

I’m not nice.

And ya know, I’m not a size queen. Like I don’t really care what size my bedroom is…but logistically speaking, this just won’t work.

I’ve got about 150 vinyl records and a record player that are pretty much non-negotiable. My bed on the other hand…I could be talked out of…

Priorities.

The truth is, I’m sort of angry with my bed. While sleeping, my laptop fell off the bed to it’s death.

What I’m trying to tell you…is that these words are being typed from a desktop. That’s right. From atop a desk.

My laptop is dead. Funeral TBH tomorrow at 3 p.m.. Keep in mind, this is not a ceremony for mourning, but really just a celebration of life.

I have a whole funeral playlist mapped out.

Boom Clap (the sounds I heard when she fell to the floor)

The Deep Freeze (to describe her screen)

Digital Love (it was a deep love we shared)

The Backpack Song (for all the times she stayed in my backpack)

The Funeral (well…it is a funeral after all)

I am going to quit boring you with my laptop funeral playlist, but be warned, it’s gonna be killer….

which could ultimately lead to more funerals.

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One Lovely Blog Hop

Award Post

Aspirations of flight picked me to do the one lovely blog hop!

The rules for One Lovely Blog Hop are as follows: list 7 interesting facts about myself and nominate 10 other blogs I find awesome to join the blog hop.

7 supposedly interesting facts about my life: (Let me just preface this with a…”I don’t find these interesting at all,” comment. Because I don’t.)

  1. My birthstone is garnet. Classy. Yet still so bold. According to Google, it is considered a great gift to symbolize trust and friendship….Ha.

2. I had a twin in the womb. It did not exactly make it out of the womb. There is something deep inside of me that wants to shrug my shoulders and be all like…Survival of the fittest man.But I feel like there’s a bunch of con-choice lookin’ at me all like WTF?! Can you imagine two of me though? Epic, but let’s get real.

There can only be one.

  1. I have had blonde hair, red hair, black hair, brown hair, straight hair, curly hair…well, you get the picture. Every time I go through a break-up, I dye my hair and then pretend I’m Sydney Bristow from Alias for 7 minutes and 30 seconds. It’s a thing.

4.Every childhood picture of me I am wearing the craziest outfit you can imagine. Think leopard pajama pants, striped tee and bunny ears. Not all that different from my fashion sense now, but I always look towards my mom bitterly like…Could you not have done something with that situation?

5.Every time I hear sirens or see an emergency vehicle I panic. Oh God! What do I do? Pull to the right of the road? The left? Follow my heart?Which side of my chest is my heart on? After a scenic google search, apparently the heart is relatively close to the center of your chest, which doesn’t really seem like the best place to stop my car when I hear sirens. But hey, it’s not life and death ya know?

6.I have always wanted a song written about me. I know that it’s not that groundbreaking, but it’s true. I always tell my musician friends to which they respond, “Everyone wants a song written about them!” to which I respond, “Wow you just categorized me with everyone…no wonder you can’t write a song about me!” Ugh. Musicians.

7.Wow we are already on the last one of these nifty facts. I haven’t even had nearly enough time to talk about myself yet! It’s like you think you’ve come this far (*insert hand gesture*), when you’ve really come this far (*insert hand gesture*) but to everyone else, you just seem like a crazy person typing 7 facts about yourself on your work desktop ya know? So #7. Not my favorite number exactly. I would tell you my favorite number, but we only have 7 facts and why would I waste one of them on my favorite…16. My favorite number is 16.

There you have it. Seven not so interesting facts about me. Now. Check out these 10 blog – aroonies.

1. cookies+sangria

2. Missionary Impossible

3. Man of Wisdom

4. Ben’s Bitter Blog

5. From Diapers and Tutus to Meetings and Boardrooms

6. And On That Note She Wrote

7. Binary This

8. I Prefer Deep Blues and Sea Foam Greens

9. Mom Goes On

10. One Gentleman’s Perspective