I love that sheer panic when you realize you used the wrong facing parentheses in your emoticon and you’re like, “Fuck, fuck, undo, unsend you stupid mother fucker.” You are just waiting for that text from your mom like, “Savannah, I just told you that your aunt died. Why the fuck are you sending me a smiley face right now? I just don’t get you children.” I’m going to refrain from saying true story.
Anywho, I typically withhold any type of religious chatter on my blog because it is con-tro-vers-ial, but no mas. We pretty much have to talk about religion because I work at a fucking church. Oh man, the walls of a church can’t protect a sinner from a good lightning bolt. So first of all, I love that this church has the word “meth” in it. I work at a methodist church, so sometimes when they order pens or notepads they read ____________ ___ Meth Church, it’s great. I also love when the minister is talking to me and references some bible story that supposedly everyone knows and it almost never has anything to do with Noah’s ark, the only bible story I can really recall. Although, I am kind of drawn to the whole virgin Mary versus Mary Magdalene concept, because that sounds fucking scandalous as fuck. If you ever have time to watch a video on youtube called Craig by Stephen Lynch, it will give you a solid idea of my approach to religion. Let’s face it and just say what most people my age are thinking, it’s just fucking outdated. While I’m sure different religions have tried to ride the coattails of modern society by starting a social network, showing movie clips during sermon, or spicing up their door to door routine; but in reality, those concepts don’t always apply to the ethical gray areas that seem to be popping up everywhere. Just the other day, my friends and I were discussing a girl’s speech on why horses should be allowed to be slaughtered. We all kind of just looked at each other like, “Ok? Maybe? No?”. It is always a weird moment when you realize that you have no idea where you stand on the situation. On the one hand, it is sort of liberating to NOT have a real opinion. On the other hand, you’re like fuck who am I? I really know nothing about horses so I can’t say I have an educated opinion. My natural inclination based upon movies like Seabiscuit and The Secretariat are telling me to say no to this slaughtering, but then I’m like dude I had a cheeseburger last night. I just don’t fucking know at this point.
Something that has been really bothering me lately is the way people will hate things just for the sake of hating them, or for the sake of hating them because everyone else likes them. I’ve heard several people this week saying how much they hate facebook. Then, why the fuck are you on it? Just conform, Jesus Christ. It is perfectly okay to admit that you like facebook. It’s also perfectly okay to admit that you don’t like facebook, but at least try and be honest with yourself. I like facebook. I like blogs. I like fedoras. I like texting. I also fucking like that song “Summertime Sadness” by Lana del Rey. It’s definitely okay to not like some things, but I’m so impressed when people can be true to themselves, even if it is a bit embarrassing. Although, I do understand that sometimes being true to yourself means hating something for no good reason.
So, I recently went out with a different crowd than I usually run with. I’m going to avoid using stereotypes but I’m pretty sure they were looking at me like, What is this thing with the ring in its nose? It felt a bit like being in high school again. While I eventually managed to start up a conversation with one of the guys, it ended very quickly when his girlfriend flashed that look like, Who is this bitch in the crop top talking to my boyfriend? She later commented that, “Boys with long hair are gross and greasy.” Good, the more for me! What really bothered me about the whole thing was how quickly I reverted to old habits. For a long time now, I’ve felt pretty confident and just generally satisfied with where I stood in society. I have a great group of friends, including my roommate Connor, that make me feel like I can say or do almost anything and it would not change the way they felt about me. That night, however, I pretty much retreated and admitted to that group that, I too, was not okay with who I am. Wrong.
Yesterday, I spent a great deal of time familiarizing myself with the phrase “Give em the ole runaround” . Many old men have said this to me in way which I can only assume means, playing hard to get. The urban dictionary definition is listed below.
give somebody the runaround (informal)
to act in a way which makes it difficult for someone to do something, for example by refusing to tell them things they need to know; I’m trying to get a visa, but the embassy staff keep giving me the runaround. (informal)
Here’s the thing, I do play hard to get. Why? Because news flash, I am hard to get. I’ve already met the quota for skeezes in my life. While I admittedly flirt with everyone, it really is just because that’s my personality. Some people, however, take my flirting far too seriously. Ahem, my skeeze of the day goes to a future police officer on the university campus named Vincent. Last night, as I was leaving the bar, he approached me saying, “If you want my number, I’ll give it to you. Will you be like calling me or something?”. Before I give you my response, let me clarify something. Vincent, a tall thin nerdy looking fellow, said all of this in a very smug manner as if he was doing me some grandiose favor by offering up his phone number. While I’m definitely not opposed to some opposite sex confidence, he surpassed that and went straight to white supremacist. No Vincent, I will not call you. Not now, not ever. God damn.
For the record, I have no idea what you people are thinking. What the fuck are you people thinking? Leave me a comment damn it. I’m only joking. Use the comment box at your discretion, but try to avoid using words like cunt and whore unless they are directed at someone other than myself in which case that’s perfectly acceptable.
Spoiler alert: In an effort to get my roommate Connor to stop laughing at me every time I say the word blog, my next post is going to be all about our living situation! Get excited.